“Who I Was Born to Be” is sung by Susan Boyle on her first CD, “I Dreamed a Dream”. This song’s lyrics have touched my heart. Here are some of the lyrics:
When I was a child
I could see the wind in the trees
And I heard a song in the breeze
It was there, singing out my name.
But I’m not a girl
I have known the taste of defeat
And I’ve finally grown to believe
It will all come around again.
And though I may not
Know the answers
I can finally say I’m free
And if the questions
Lead me here, then
I am who I was born to be.
Wow, how true those words are in my life, and probably in yours. As a girl I had a life filled with parents who loved me and who wanted the best for me. I had a twin sister with whom I grew up. Although we didn’t always get along, we always knew we had each other’s back.
There were great expectations that I would go to college, then get married, and have a carefree life. The problem was that I didn’t know what I wanted to do in life with respect to college or a career. I started college but found that being away from my family was too hard and so I quit college after the first semester, my first defeat.
When I tried to find a job, I had no degree, so getting into a prestigious career was impossible. I didn’t know what I wanted to pursue so any job would fill the bill. I took a receptionist job. At that first job, I met an older man who swept me off my proverbial feet, made me his secretary (a promotion from receptionist) and ultimately, made me his wife. We had a good life together and had a wonderful son. However, this part of my life would only last for 15 years. In the days following our 15th anniversary, my husband died of lung cancer after only four months of illness. This was my second defeat.
A year after my first husband died, I was remarried. Again I was very happy. My son had a wonderful step-dad and I had a great husband. We forged a bond between the three of us which we thought would last forever. My son grew into a model teenager who never gave us any trouble, was a star athlete, and a great student. He went to college and got his undergrad and master’s degrees. When he landed his first real job in his desired career field, my husband helped him move into his first apartment in a state six hours from our home, helped him buy his first car, and then returned home.
Upon returning home, my husband told me of pains he was having in the top of his stomach. In a few days he ended up in the emergency room where, after a day of testing, a CAT scan found many spots in his body which were cancer. The phone call to our son in a new city six hours away telling him that his second dad had cancer brought a scream of pain on my son’s end of the phone that I will never forget. Within ten months, my second husband had died of cancer; another defeat.
After my second husband died, I began to think there might be something wrong with me. What could I have done to stop this from happening? Was I being punished for some wrong-doing of which I wasn’t even aware? Why had this happened again? What would I do from this point on? Could I even go on?
Well, it has now been almost 9 years since my second husband died, and I am ruminating on the words of Susan Boyle’s song.
“When I was a child, I could see the wind in the trees and I heard a song in the breeze; it was singing out my name.” Life for me as a child was full of promise and hope.
“But I’m not a girl. I have known the taste of defeat and I’ve finally grown to believe it will all come around again.” After a failed educational experience, and two good marriages that ended in my being widowed, I became worried that bad things are always just around the corner.
“And though I may not know the answers, I can finally say I’m free. And if the questions lead me here, then I am who I was born to be.” WOW…what a concept…I am who I was born to be! This life I have experienced is not all in vain. I don’t have to know all the answers but I can be free of the pain and regret because it is all in God’s plan. Since I believe the Bible is true, and God says in the book of Jeremiah, Chapter 29, verse 11, “For I know the plans I have for you, plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future,” (NIV), I know that the things I have experienced will make me stronger and be used to help others.
The things that I once counted as defeats were turned into triumphs as I completed my education and received a degree in Psychology with a certification as a Life Coach; married again and have another great marriage; and have a career as a Life Coach which fulfills my passion. I have found fun in my life through ballroom dancing, and I have found faith and hope in Jesus Christ. As a new decade begins, I have peace, joy, and hope for the future.
Where does the new decade find you? Let’s talk. Please email your thoughts to me at firstname.lastname@example.org. I’m looking forward to our time together.